No Control

This past month has been very hard for me. I have struggled so much with my eating. I have been eating everything in sight. I can't control myself. I have lost the ability to tell myself no. I am not sure how to fix this or what to do. Ashley has stepped in and tried to motivate me and a good friend at work is also trying to keep me accountable. But when they are not around I do not have enough will power to keep myself accountable. This feeling sucks. It sucks because I know I am holding myself back. I am the only reason I am not hitting my goals. No one else is standing in my way. I have been working out 5-6 days a week for over 3 months now and the sad part is the scale in not moving. Some weeks, including this one, I am actually gaining weight. I know that the added weight it not muscle because my cloths are feeling tighter and for the lack of a better word I feel fat.

Ashley and my friend at work have both lost 9 or 10 pounds thus far and have stuck to their workouts and have done an amazing job eating healthy. You can see their results not only physically, but in their attitudes. They both have a new confidence and people are starting to notice. As happy as I am for them, I wish I was able to say I have lost 9 pounds also. My competitive side says I should be right there with them.

This week is Recovery Week in P90X. I am using this week to focus on running and getting ready for the 5K on May 1st. I have heard that the first two miles are uphill. This absolutely terrifies me, especially since Ashley has to work and cannot run with me. So what am I going to do about my diet and lack of focus? Honestly, I have no idea, but I better figure something out quick.