So this evening did not go as planned. I had a mental breakdown...I felt weak...I lost all motivation and perspective...I let the little voice in my head overpower my determination...I let excuses drive my decisions.Today was a "Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day!" Work drug by, I was sleepy by 1:00 and my to do list was only getting longer with nothing being checked off. I knew that a client was coming in around 4:30 or 5:00 and that I would have to stay late to get signatures from him. I usually leave work at 4:30 so the possibility of having to stay an extra half hour weighed on me from the moment I got out of bed. Okay in all reality 30 minutes is not that big of a deal, but it being Friday I let myself believe it was. As a result, I let this lead to bad decision after bad decision after bad decision. I couldn't stop watching the clock to see if it was time to eat my next meal. After I ate my AM snack I wanted more. I ate a healthy lunch, but I ate too much and I knew it but I kept eating anyway. I ate my snake at 3:00 even though I was still full from lunch. When I got home I convinced myself, and Preston, that yes today was in fact the longest day ever and therefore working out should be put on hold. Since I was on a roll I decided to eat bad as well. Preston and I went to Panera Bread and I ordered a Broccoli Cheddar Bread Bowl and half Chicken Chipotle sandwich. The upside is instead of a pop I had water and I declined a Crown and Coke. To make up for the good decisions, however, I bought chocolate chip cookies. At least they were from Whole Foods and Organic...right? So I came home and even though I was full to the brim I turned on the oven and baked the cookies. I poured a glass of 2% milk (YUCK) and ate 5 freakin cookies! UHHGGGG!!!!! Seriously, what more could have gone wrong? Why did I go on this huge binge? I am really, really hoping that when Sunday comes around I can eat clean and can count today as my cheat meal. I can tell you this, the meal that I ate was overrated. I tried to chew slowly so I could savor the taste. But before long I was inhaling it and I kept eating after I was undoubtedly full. Afterward I had the worst gas ever. Seriously ask Preston! I think it might be from the dairy that I ate. I haven't eaten dairy in a little over a week. The cookies didn't taste that great, it might have been the organic part but still. It is almost 10pm and I STILL feel full, I still have gas, I have had 4 more cookies and I feel dehydrated! CAN TODAY PLEASE BE OVER WITH SO I CAN MOVE ON! The two "good" things that I did tonight was clean my house (well the main level) and Preston and I took Augusta on a long walk. This is August after the walk ready for bed. She LOVES blankets! Anyways, between cleaning and walking I burned 480 calories which is pretty darn good and took 5,461 steps which almost accounts for half of the steps I took today. My overall numbers so far for today is 1927 calories burned and 10,419 steps taken. The goal for tomorrow is to track the calories I take in and compare it to the calories I burn, do Kenpo P90X, go to the gym and either swim, bike or run or maybe a combination of two and then hit up Sunflower to get healthy food (fruit) for the Super Bowl.
I am hanging onto emerson's words to give me hope for a new tomorrow.
finish each day and be done with it. you have done what you could. some blunders and absurdities have crept in; forget then as soon as you can. tomorrow is a new day. you shall begin it serenely and with too high of spirit to be encumbered with your old nonsense. -emerson